The Ayatollah's Church Of Cheezus
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Why? BECAUSE CHEEZUS LOVES YOU!
Cheezus Melted for your (potatoe) Skins!!!Praise all the Dairy and feel the love and creamy goodness that is Gouda. Wouldnt we ALL love to go to Velvetta when the time comes that our earthly digestion fails? It's simple to be assured of Gouda's gift...The Gift is Cheezus...and He should be in Every snack and meal! Through Cheezus, one can recieve protien and vitamin D...without Cheezus we's all be dead of malnutrician. Break free from your lactose intolerance and Indulge in the GLory and the Power of Cheese!
The POWER of Cheezus! Behold His Glory!
The Power of Praying to Cheezus Should NEVER be Doubted. We have seen ASTOUNDING and dare I say AMAZING things happen from a bit of dairy on the lips and tongue and livening up the belly!!!

Cheezus has prevented airplane crashes!Fixed broken down cars! Made women feel more attractive and men more Virile! Who is this Cheezus you may be thinking...Is he Superman??? NO! Superman is a LIE of the EVIL SALAMI who wants to kill you and your pets.

The Evil Salami Hates you and ALlllll that you care about, so if you don't choose Cheezus and send us your credit card # now for salvation, you will succumb to the wiles and temptations of the EVIL SALAMI, and you will rot and rot and burn and smell funny forever and ever. ETERNAL BOWEL PAIN IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER.

Remember, Cheezus Loves you. And cries when you break a nail. Thats how much he loves you. Don't hurt his feelings. Remember, Cheezus has thoughts and feelings and hobbies just like you!

"FOR ALL HAVE SUCCUMBED TO THE WILES OF THE SALAMI...FOR ALL HAVE LOVED HIS SEXY WAYS, ONLY TO FIND THEMSELVES IN CRAMPS ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR"
~Chinchillas2:3, Revolutions24:68, Richard5:17 and George3:14

 Our Holey Creator in all his Majesty. So we prey:

HAIL DAIRY full of taste,
The Lard is With Me.
Blessed Art Thou with fruits and vegetables,
and Blessed am I with you alone.
A-Hen!
The never ending love of Gouda who sent Cheezus into the world...that we may be delivered from our lactose intolerancy by the Dairy. Praise Cheezus! Braise The Lard All-Tightly, who was unwrapped from the wax covering and placed upon the grill to melt for our (potatoe) skins.....Have Mercy on our tummies, and let our bowels rest in painlessness forevermore!

We Do SO much to shave the people of the world...For Cheezus Commands, "Go Forth And Spread Thy Yeast in all the Dank Crannies"~3Yeastalonians15:8

We're Doing sooo much to spread the good flavor on the crackers of the unshaved!

The Van of Redemption: Driving through YOUR town as we speak! Setting up picnics and healings with egg crates and a megaphone, keep an eye out for us, and come be shaved!!!

Homeless Care Packages: are the cutest little boxes filled with everything a homeless person could need! Change, Cheese, Cheezus, and booze. Coming soon: The Loyal Cheezuit Society sits on sidewalks begging people to take change from them.

Miss Dairy Competition!:Strut your stuff, send us pics, and you'll see who is chosen as our own precious Dairy Queen!(we arent trying to be sexist..men can also try out!)


And Oh so Much More is on the way, for here, the milk and honey overfloweth!
Lend a Hand in the Gouda Work!

Please Don't be one of the Lactose Intolerant!

Our Creamy Leader...Worship HIM. I said WORSHIP HIM DERNIT!!!!
Our Grand Pubah, Immeasurably Wealthy and Verile Co-Founder MICKEY DiQUESO The Ever-Unjulating!
Hail Dairy!


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